james holden

New York Times tech writer David Pogue has a list of questions he can’t answer.

Here’s my go:

• Why is Wi-Fi free at cheap hotels, but $14 a night at expensive ones?
  Because the customers at expensive ones are more likely to pay the $14 without even thinking about it, but the cheap ones need the free Wifi as a selling point
• What happens to software programs when their publishers go out of business?
  Depends on local laws, and whether the copyright was owned by a company or an individual. If a company owned it, and it wasn’t bought by a 3rd party as part of the liquidation, then it will either lapse into public domain because the owner ceases to exist, or it will revert to the actual author who signed the copyrights over to his employer.
• Would the record companies sell more music online if it weren’t copy-protected?
  Yes - who on earth thinks people will pay more for stuff that does less?
• Do cellphones cause brain cancer?
  No, the RF energy is non-ionising.
• What’s the real reason you have to turn off your laptop for takeoff?
  So that you’re paying full attention to the safety accouncements and there’s no dangerous unsecured objects flying around if there is a problem during takeoff.
• Why can’t a digital S.L.R. camera record video?
  Many can. Perhaps yours can’t?
• Wi-Fi on airplanes. What’s taking so long?
  The fact that cellphones aren’t allowed because they’re too damn annoying, not because they’re dangerous would mean that allowing Wifi would lead to demands for cellphone use too.
• Who are the morons who respond to junk-mail offers, thereby keeping spammers in business?
  Half the world’s population is below average intelligence (think about it!). There are plenty of people stupid enough to not be able to spot an obvious scam. People will buy anything.
• I’m told that they could make a shirt-pocket digital camera that takes pictures like an S.L.R., but it would cost a lot. So why don’t they make one for people who can afford it?
  Because even they wouldn’t be able to afford it! The R&D costs would be in the order of hundreds of millions of dollars.
• How come there are still no viruses for Mac OS X? If it has 6 percent of the market, shouldn’t it have 6 percent of the viruses?
  Because it’s not full of holes like swiss cheese, due to being based on a UNIX system. Far more webservers run Linux than run Windows, but it’s the Windows ones that get pwn3d regularly.
• Do shareware programmers pay taxes on all those $20 contributions?
  Some do, some don’t. Do girl guides pay tax on cookie sales?
• How are we going to preserve all of our digital photos and videos for future generations?
  By making sure they don’t end up on obsolete media. Make 100% perfect digital copies to the newest media while you still have a drive that will read the old media.
• Why are there no federal rebates or tax credits for solar power? [UPDATE: Evidently there is a small federal rebate, but it expires in December.]
  Because the government just isn’t enlightened (geddit? ;-)
• Why do you have to take tape camcorders out of your carry-on at airport security, but not the tapeless kind? Couldn’t you hide a bomb equally well in either one? (Actually, I have about 500 more logic questions about the rules at airport security, but I have a feeling they’ll remain answerless for a very long time.)
  Because the people that came up with the rule just didn’t think it through. There’s no clandestine malice here, just stupidity.
• Laptops, cameras and cellphones have improved by a thousand percent in the last ten years. Why not their batteries?
  Because people are only comfortable carrying a certain amount of energy in their pocket. I don’t want a battery the size of a cookie that carries enough energy to launch a nuclear missile.
• SmartDisplay, Spot Watch, U.M.P.C., Zune… when will Microsoft realize that it’s not a hardware company?
  It’s about brand awareness. X-Box, anyone?
• Why don’t public sinks have foot pedals?
  They do in some countries. There’s too much retro-fit and many people would spend precisely 1 second trying to work out the tap, then give up and not wash their hands.
• Why don’t all hotels have check-in kiosks like airlines do?
  Is there really that much throughput at hotel check in? Is there a need?
• Five billion dollars a year spent on ringtones? What the?
  See previous answer about spam.
• How come cellphone signal-strength bars are so often wrong?
  You mean “why do the bars not relate to the signal quality I receive during the call?”? They’re too much of simplistic indicator. A proper, continuous analysis would need too much battery power to do continuously.
• Do P.R. people really expect anyone to believe that the standard, stilted, second-paragraph C.E.O. quote was really uttered by a human being?
  No, but it’s kind of a protocol that only exists between the people who write press releases and the people who are expected to read them.
• Why aren’t there recycling bins for bottles and cans where they’re most obviously needed, like food courts and cafeterias?
  Because people won’t use them - they’re generally using the fast food facility, not because they like the dining experience, but because they’re in a hurry.
• Why doesn’t someone start a cellphone company that bills you only for what you use? That model works O.K. for the electricity, gas and water companies —and people would beat a path to its door. [And I don’t mean prepaid phones, where once again you’re paying for calls you haven’t even made yet.]
  As far as I’m aware, there are tariffs with no inclusive minutes. The monthly fee is to cover bad debts by other subscribers.
• Why doesn’t everyone have lights that turn off automatically when the room is empty?
  Because if you sit still for too long, you end up in the dark. I used to work late at an office that had them and they were incredibly annoying.
• What’s the deal with Palm?
  PDAs are integrated into phones these days, and connectivity to online calendaring is more universal. Laptops are smaller, cheaper and lighter, so a PDA is a waste of pocket space. (Palm just haven’t noticed yet!)
• Why are so many people rude on the Internet?
  Because they’re anonymous. It’s the same as when you mutter “jerk” at another driver, knowing they won’t be able to hear you.

So now you know.